A blog dedicated to mental health and issues such as: codependency, parenting, relationships, depression... and much more. Over 300 blogposts published and regularly updated.
Online dating has been the preferred method of finding a partner for many people for many years. A lot of people have had success and many will testify to the effectiveness and ease of using this method. Read More.
The main message that comes from the self-help industry is “change the way you think, change your life”. While I see this as a mostly effective message, I think it is only half the story. Read More.
Some years ago, I wrote about the concept of the golden child in a family. Succinctly put, this is a child who is asked to maintain the self esteem of a narcissist parent by being everything that he or she was not, being the child that is put forward in the community as special. Read More.
Everyone has an inner critic. Our self-esteem and self-image are developed by how we talk to ourselves. All of us have conscious and unconscious memories of all the times we felt bad or wrong – they are part of the unavoidable scars of childhood. This is where the inner critical voice gets started. Read More.
In my daily work as a therapist, I deal with couples who are struggling to keep their relationship together. There are many reasons for this and some are more successful than others at working on the issues that divide them. Read More
It seems to be the norm that bloggers, therapists and anyone who puts pen to paper is writing about the last year and what is to come in the following year. It is that time of year. A hard year is coming to an end and a new one is around the corner. We will all be a year older by the time we get to this time next year. It is something about the human spirit that likes to put things in perspective at this time of year. Read More
Many of us procrastinate to the point that it takes a lot of energy to keep it going. Energy that could be used more productively.
I often use my own personal experience to highlight elements of my posts. Even in therapy, my own stories shared sparingly and at the right time can help others to put their own stories into perspective. The Native Americans believe in their culture that life is about stories. When one story ends, another begins and the telling of stories and understanding them is the key to solving problems and moving on in life. This, I buy into and believe, in that we can all learn from each other’s stories. Read More
Just recently I wrote a rather philosophical post pontificating about What Do We Need to Make us Happy?. As I generally do, I placed this article on various websites for people to read and comment. On one particular site, the article generated a fair amount of interest and discussion from many people who all offered their ideas about happiness and how to achieve it, recognise it and maintain it. Read More
“Being involved romantically with another human being is to use a famous quote “the best and worst of times”. We proclaim our love, often far too quickly, and make irrational decisions. We believe we can take on the world and our own world is in order... Read More
I had a very interesting conversation recently on just this subject. My discussion partner was, at the time, pontificating about money. His argument went something like “Many people are only interested in the accumulation of wealth but once they have it, they are still not happy. It is not how much money you have but what you do with it that counts”... Read More
One of my favorite saying is… “If you are depressed, you live in the past, if you are anxious, you live in the future, if you are ok, you live in the present”. True as this statement is, it does not start to describe... Read More
We all have a past. When two people come together and try to form a relationship, the experiences gained by both play a role. How much of a role depends greatly on the people concerned and the experiences they gained. If trust issues are present or have been brought into the relationship, the past suddenly becomes all-important. If you are looking for reasons to trust or distrust, here lies a body of work to reference. Read More
We have seen clearly in my previous set of posts how an inner critic is formed from the defense mechanisms used by the wounded, criticised child and how these can be taken forward into adulthood. Part of the process of dealing with the inner critic and the chaos it causes is to re-parent our inner child, showing it that it no-longer needs those mechanisms and the protection offered by its family of critics... Read More
Narcissists are the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde characters, one way one moment, one way the next. A roller-coaster ride for anyone involved with them. When we become involved in a new relationship, a need to bond and connect with others is usually the main reason, leading hopefully to love. However, narcissists have their own reasons for connecting with others that has nothing to do with love. The simple reason being they are incapable of love and normal connection with others. Read More
I once read that up to 98 % of the global population is co-dependent to some extent but a figure much lower than that actually realise it and very few know how to do something about it. Many therapists and doctors treat it as a disease that one has to endure, be stuck with or take medication for. Read More
As children grow older, they like to explore and push boundaries. What they are looking for is a sense of autonomy and self-confidence, an important cog in the wheel of development. The way parents handle this is crucial for the child’s development.When children are not allowed to explore in a child proof home or are punished and smacked by parents for what is in reality, age appropriate behavior, they develop a sense of shame and doubt. Read More
CBT is based on the belief that thoughts, feelings, and behavior are inter-related and impact each other. Since thinking, feelings, and behavior are interconnected, treatment interventions that focus directly on specific thoughts, feelings, or behaviors are expected to impact other thoughts, feelings and behavior. The main goal of CBT is to regulate, modify, augment, or replace problematic thoughts, feelings, and/or actions so that problem behaviors, thoughts, or feelings are interrupted and, ultimately, replaced with more a functional thought-feeling-behavior pattern. Read More