A blog dedicated to helping codependents recover their life, identity and set healthy boundaries.
It is all about choice….yes, choice. Our own personal choice and we do have it, despite what we think sometimes. For codependents, personal choice is often a concept that escapes them. They feel their destiny and choices are in the hands of others. Read More.
Today, we highlight T who cannot seem to keep away from the “bad boys”. Time after time, she has been involved with men who have ultimately left her emotionally, physically and financially ruined. Yet she still goes back for more and cannot seem to help herself. Read More.
This week, we look at W who is making the biggest move of his life. W is moving across the country to be with his loved one. W has dealt very well with his codependent side of his personality to this point but has spent the last few days feeling extremely angry and down on himself and doesn’t know why. Read More.
When you recognise and become aware that you are indeed a codependent, the hard work really starts.Even codependents who have a good handle on their triggers and situations that could cause a relapse have to fight hard to keep them in check. As one of my recovering patients said quite rightly “You are only one thought away from relapse”. Read More.
Narcissists always get a bad press and probably rightly so. (At this point, we should note that we should only use the term narcissist when someone has been officially diagnosed with NPD. Also, there are degrees of narcissism). The common belief is that they are void of compassion and empathy and are not capable of “love”, so fairly unsavory types. This is, in my experience, more or less true and if you have the misfortune to become involved with one, your life is destined to be troublesome. Read More.
As I have mentioned here a few times before, I suffered badly with codependent issues. Even though I have largely overcome these, there are still some clear traces that I constantly work on (or have to work on). One of these and one that I see often with clients is hyper-vigilance, not in the sense of physical threat but mostly to do with observing a partner’s behavior for signs of change. For codependents who constantly live with insecurity, these signs could mean a lot. Read More.
Codependents get a lot of sympathy from me. They are more likely to be abused and taken advantage of and their good nature is often exploited. They make bad decisions about relationships and one gets the impression that they seem clueless about how relationships develop. However, codependents also have a range of tools in their make-up that they bring out and use if they need to. This is usually when they feel they are losing control of the “object” of their codependency physically or emotionally. Read More.
These days we throw the words “narcissist” and “codependent” around like confetti. It is easy to label someone who appears self-centered as the former and one who gives a little bit too much as the latter. Despite the fact that we can easily recognise these traits in people, it is always dangerous to label people with any term that is not officially diagnosed by a specialist. While testing for NPD exists, it becomes more difficult when we delve into the murky waters that lie around the term codependency. Read More.
There are many articles around on the internet about all types of narcissism and the dangers of being in a relationship with someone who has these tendencies. The advice is clear : get away from the situation as quickly as possible. Anyone who is more on the codependent side of the continuum will testify that this is harder to put into practice than it sounds. However, what if the narcissist is your parent and has cloned you to be a living “perfect” version of him or her,? A child chosen to heal the parent’s own broken past. Read More.
I was a codependent. It looks strange when I see that on paper. Codependency is not a recognised disorder nor does it make you ill in a true sense but my experiences and the experiences of countless others (many of my patients too) tell me that it can be just a devastating as a clear diagnosis. You see, codependency gives you a specific view of the world that ensures that you sacrifice your own needs and requirements for the benefit of others. On the other hand, I have written here before that codependency is also a form of control in that by sacrificing and creating an environment for the good of others ensures that the codependent will feel secure and loved. Sounds great in theory but due to the people that codependents tend to attach themselves to, that theory is often built on sand and like the proverbial house of cards, is sure to tumble at some point. Read More.
When I sometimes take the time to analyse my patients at any given point, there are always many codependents among them. This might be because I have had my own issues with this and like to work with them or it might just be an indication of the size of the issue. Contrary to people who have narcissist behavior traits, codependents tend to blame themselves and take more responsibility than they need to. However, there is a controlling dark side of codependency in that there is usually an expectation of return of favor to keep them secure in their surroundings and with the people around them. Codependents are not averse to using such punishment methods as the silent treatment and victim behavior to keep people in line. Read More.